mindful

alternative title: i got excited with watercolours on the back of this and it bled through the page and so i made it something.

as of late i've been trying to practice something referred to as "mindfulness". its philosophy, in a nutshell, is to feel and inhabit your feelings, to acknowledge them without judging yourself or passing comments about what/how you "should" feel.

it's important, i feel, to allow yourself to feel and to exist as you are, rather than try to change how you think, or criticize how you feel or hold yourself to some standard. when i feel angry, it's for a multitude of reasons, it's expressed in a multitude of ways, and it's not fair for me to say that i shouldn't feel angry because despite how much i criticize myself about my feelings, they aren't going to change until i address the feeling at the root. if i'm angry, i'm angry, and that's that. that's ok. my feelings are valid, no matter how irrational the circumstance they arise in, because news flash: i'm not usually upset about the circumstance, i'm usually upset because of an issue that's large and complex and intangible so i assign it to this small minute issue.

it's a bit of mediation, a lot of introspection, a little bit of this and that. as with anything, it's been a jumble of trial and error, of trying new ways of getting myself to a state of peace. i don't know what i hope to accomplish with this. i guess i'm just hoping to be a bit more present in the fleeting moments, and enjoy things as they come. i don't know if this it the answer, but i'm sure going to try.